Sunday, April 29, 2012

Rumor has it...

Rumor has it

...that John Ludi is a Gay Antisemitic Survivalist and Undercover Narc who has slept with half the women in Viroqua and if you are REALLY lucky, he will steal your girlfriend.

Ah, the joys of small town life...

Amongst the many new friends I am making in the Kickapoo Valley is a woman who will go by the name of “E”. E is someone who I am finally just getting to know on a one-on-one person-to-person basis. Prior to this point in time I only knew E from seeing her at parties and gatherings and from the various outpourings of questionable data that issue from the rumor mill that is part of any area with a limited amount of inhabitants. I am greatly enjoying getting to know E as she is someone who, as I had suspected from my initial vibe/soul-reading of her at the party of a mutual friend, has a significant degree of depth and intelligence. There is a joy I get when a persons inner self unfolds to me and I can attain a deeper level of sharing and communion beyond “a lot of weather we’ve been having lately...have you seen Hunger Games?” I hope to continue this process as I find this woman increasingly interesting as a fellow traveller.

We traded rumors about each other the other day. It was pretty funny. And sad.

E has some qualities that do not always serve her in good stead. For starters, she is shy. This can make her appear to be aloof. It can also make her appear to be not nearly as smart as I am finding out that she is. She also has the crippling issue of being pretty much in line with what our current culture considers to be the apex of feminine beauty: she is slim, has great symmetry, and has a very nicely structured face with a pair of eyes that are piercing, questioning and, paradoxically, serene. These eyes look right into your very being, seemingly. I love her eyes...not because they are cosmetically captivating (though they are), but because they are the windows of a soul that is trying to understand the world and the people around her...and unlike a lot of people, she looks directly at YOUR eyes when she talks to you. There is an honesty there that I find very refreshing.

She also, like myself, is single in a small town where almost everyone is pair-bonded. That is also a black mark as it makes her seem to people to be predatory. I get a fair amount of that I feel sorry for E. I think she is a “good” spirit finding her way in a world where people can be pretty dark and mean and nasty. If I can help her in that effort, I there have been those that have helped me and people who desire to live in a kind and loving world should help each other. That is MY feeling about it, at least.

I get a lot of other things too. Let’s tap into them, shall we? It’ll be fun!

Is John Ludi gay?

Nope. I certainly have no problem with it and being an artsy type from big cities, I have had MANY gay friends...and lesbian friends...and a couple transgendered ones, now that I think about it...but I am straight. I have close male friends that I hang out with a lot, but I am not sleeping with them. I’d know it if I was, and I would be perfectly happy to let the whole world know if that was the case. Gay is ok in MY book. G...A...Y...gooooooooo GAY!!!

Is John Ludi an Antisemitic Survivalist?

No. That is a sole-source rumor and that source will end up in court if he keeps it up. I am trying to start a business in this area and I don’t need someone trashing my reputation based on his own misguided envy and jealousy. This individual has insured that I have to work a LOT harder to let people know that I am a decent human being, and I will be more than happy to lawyer up if he does not cease and desist.

Firstly, I am not an antisemite. I have at least a few Jewish friends that will attest to that fact. My politics are basically Green/Treehugger with a couple VERY small forays into Libertarian territory. I own a gun. That is one of the few areas where the latter philosophy is indulged. My feelings about the Israel and Palestinian conflicts are highly nuanced and are NOT either/or...and I think that anyone who sees a 100% good and evil dichotomy in this arena is probably either uninformed or delusional.

Secondly...a Survivalist? Really? Sorry. No. I AM what people are calling a “Prepper”. I study global economics and politics and resource and environmental issues and I don’t like what I see...therefore, I prep. I forage and grow my own food and that’s about it. I don’t even OWN any cammo clothes...and I am certainly not of the bible-thumper ilk that thinks Jesus is coming back and we better arm ourselves to rid the world of liberals (or WHATEVER those crazy bastards have on their minds these days).

So not a Jew-hating cammo dude, then...what about an Undercover Narc.

OK kids...I don’t smoke pot. Sorry. I USED to smoke pot. Lots of it. Back in my teens. I stopped. Why did I stop? It started getting me all paranoid and weird and reactive. I THINK that the reason for this is that I may have smoked a joint laced with PCP at a party when I was 18. I got REALLY wound up after smoking it and was never able to enjoy it since. I tried it several times after and gave up on it. The substance seemed to be done with me.

So if we are at a party and you offer me a toke and I turn it down, it’s because it does unpleasant things to me...not because I either have anything against it or am employed by the BATF or FBI or whatever. It’s because I don’t care too much for what I turn into when I’m I don’t get stoned. If YOU want to get stoned, go for it...I personally think pot should be 100% legalized in all forms: it’s a harmless naturally-occuring substance...and a lot of fun, if memory serves. I WISH I could still enjoy was VERY helpful to me in my youth. I some sort of Casanova or something?


(edited to remove two paragraphs to respect the privacy of a local ex-girlfriend.)

I don’t do casual sex as a rule. I HAVE done it in the past, when my hormones were still able to trump my sense of consequence...but I am 47 years old and able to keep a lid on the beast, for the most part...passionate though I am when the time is right.

Here’s the thing though: I am a VERY affectionate person...especially since I moved up here. My heart chakra has opened up considerably since July. I touch people a lot. I hug. Kiss too. Hold hands. Give massages. Etc, etc. Sometimes I sleep on their couches . God god...the depravity of it all.

I also am one of those apparently rare males who is fully capable of having female friends that I have no intention of boinking. Really. It’s true. I flirt a lot, I engage in a lot of the aforementioned physical contact...but I am no longer “easy”. I stop before the sex...though admittedly, sometimes that CAN be a challenge. ;) I’m only human, after all...the physical part of me, at any rate.

When you are looking for someone to potentially spend the rest of your life with in a loving and lasting communion of souls who are growing towards true intimacy on all possible levels, you need to be careful about who you sleep with if, like me, you have the tendency to form emotional bonds via physicality.

In the past I have had one-night-stands last three tragically dysfunctional years. I try not to do this anymore. It was not healthy. If I WANT mere sex, I can get it. THAT is easy. Been there, done that...done WITH it.

I am not looking for someone to fill a position like a restaurant hiring a hostess...I am opening myself up to someone who wants to grow and evolve and plumb the depths of the soul and scale the heights of potential transcendence together. If Universe thinks that this is a good idea, that person will make them selves present in my life...if not, I will finish the journey alone. One way or the other, I WILL finish THIS little journey. I’m more than half-way through it, hopefully.

So when you see me arm-in-arm with someone, you can pretty much assume that they are not getting much more than that from me. If you see me leave a club with someone, it’s a pretty safe bet that I will still end up going home alone. I may be kind of childlike/childish in some ways, but one of those ways is NOT about the usual bragging rights that immature males spew out when we are in our private all-male enclaves. I’m not proud of having been in my 20‘s and 30‘s. It does NOT give me any shame or was what it was...but it’s not something I’m exactly boastful about either. Too many women and too many jobs during those decades. Not a pattern I want to sustain.

Also, when I pair-bond I am 100% monogamous. Period. No multiple partners, triangles, divided loyalties, nothing...of...the...sort.

Which leads to another question:

Will John Ludi steal your girlfriend?

No. Again, sole source...and I’m leaving THAT one alone for now...out of respect for a certain someone’s privacy. It is based upon pure delusion, in MY opinion.

So what IS John Ludi’s big agenda anyway? He HAS to have one, dosen’t he?

It’s pretty simple, really:

I want to do as much “good” as I can...share as much wisdom as I am capable as many people as I am able...make some more decent people laugh (because life is hard and we need to laugh more, dammit)...find a means of making money that does not morally compromise me or feed the beast...perhaps find someone of like mind and soul to share the journey with...and then die before I become so old that I become a horrible burden to anyone.

And THAT’S all if the economy doesn’t collapse and I’m faced with trying to help people survive using all the survival skills I have developed in case of just such an event. I don’t find life on the physical plane to be such a giggle that living through a collapse is something that sounds all that fun to me...but I’ll help OTHER people do it, if that’s THEIR thing. I’d rather go home to the loving white light, myself.

So that’s it folks...that’s John Ludi’s big dark “secret agenda”. Boo!!! Be afraid!!! I’m a terrible person and I will drag your soul to hell!

And I didn’t even MENTION the serial cannibalism.

Sigh... if you want to look askance at me, you can now do it for the man I am...not the man the rumors insinuate I am.



Monday, April 23, 2012

The Global Contradiction

As I find myself getting drawn into the old territory of my highly radicalized youth with this pathetic farce of an election creeping up, I also find myself thinking in strongly critical terms of endlessly repeating patterns. Patterns of thought and civilization. Rote behavior that follows old familiar roads that lead ultimately to nothing more than the same old power dynamic no matter WHAT clown gets to sit in the Big Man's Chair.

We are at a critical juncture...a juncture that will either lead to a rebirth into an entirely new way of interacting with each other, the planet, and all the other species we share with it...or down the road to both our own extinction and that of a substantial number of species that had the unlucky fate to be around while we were dedicating ourselves to finding increasingly complex ways of killing each other en masse.

The old way of looking at the world is to see each other as separate and discreet forms that can, by logical extention, easily be rationalized into fodder for the aforementioned exploitation. This HAS to change for us to survive. We have created an incredibly interdependent world...a web of interrelationships so staggering in its complexity that it is beyond description...yet we retain this notion that we are all autonomous individuals, free to carry on living our lives as we see fit, smearing our toxins everywhere, unthinking of the ramifications of our individual or collective thoughts or actions.

Does this make ANY sense whatsoever? Am I the ONLY one who sees an inherent contradiction in this arraignment? Hello? Testing! Is this thing on?

How does a species intelligent enough to be capable of conjuring up particle physics (or even teaspoons and toilet paper) take this contradiction and sweep it under the rug and create an ENTIRE GLOBAL CIVILIZATION based upon such a blatant paradox?

When I was in my mid-teens, I was constantly bitching about the rise of multi-national conglomerates. It was a huge issue for me as I saw the logical conclusion of that rise being a race to the bottom economically. If countries were going to continue to behave as separate entities with their own currencies and national boundaries but corporations were allowed to come and go as they please, the outcome would be the hideous levels of unemployment and poverty and wealth stratification we are seeing in so many countries NOW. It didn't take a genius to figure this all out.

I figured it out, myself...but it took me many years before I was able to dig even deeper and look at the foundational flaws underlying our very global system itself. They are psychological and philosophical issues...and no amount of fiddling around the edges will fix them. It's the whole root canal/upper colonic, I'm afraid.

There are many reasons why our world is collapsing all around us: resource depletion, climate chaos, the death of fiat currencies...add your favorite here...but the one that has reared its head and spat in MY face over the years is the fact that we have based OUR ENTIRE WORLD upon a notion that interdependence and independence are somehow natural allies that can play nice together without eventually throttling each other into submission...or rather, bloodthirsty global anarchy. IT CAN'T HAPPEN! Ask Kierkegaard...he was ALL OVER shit like this. The basic response to an inherent unresolvable anxiety. The end result of anxiety in any system (if you get too much of it) is a breakdown. Collapse. Boom.

So what do we see happening now...hmmm? Does it look like a healthy system developing new healthy interconnections? It's NOT just about running out of oil folks, though that is is about our entire way of envisioning how we are to BE with each other.

We need to The next great leap forward in human evolution HAS to be the development of our individual abilities to see self as other and other as self...period! Without such a radical change in our understanding, we will continue making the same mistakes over and over until we all perish. Until we feel the pain we cause to others as pain we cause to ourselves, the old ways will continue. We need Global Empathy. sounds profoundly unrealistic...I know...but we need it anyway.

With that radical change HAS to come an equally radical change in the way we envision such key elements of our world as wealth (both material and non-material), the notion of ownership, personal and public responsibility, community...and pretty much everything else, now that I think about it.

I often point out to my friends that the idea of the ECONOMIC system collapsing is baked into the cake...and it is...but the thing that I generally do NOT get into all that often in mixed company is the vast dynamic contradiction that our globe has "evolved" into...the underlying paradox that dooms the WHOLE thing entirely. And as developing nations embrace the puerile fantasy of "Rugged Individualism", this meme continues to eat into the global mind like a worldwide case of syphilis eating every last shred of indigenous sanity in it's path.

I hope and pray we can embrace such an extreme change in our dynamics. Sooner or later our hand will be forced by circumstance and we will HAVE to learn new ways of dealing with each other and the planet...

or it will deal with us...permanently.