Sunday, April 29, 2012

Rumor has it...

Rumor has it

...that John Ludi is a Gay Antisemitic Survivalist and Undercover Narc who has slept with half the women in Viroqua and if you are REALLY lucky, he will steal your girlfriend.

Ah, the joys of small town life...

Amongst the many new friends I am making in the Kickapoo Valley is a woman who will go by the name of “E”. E is someone who I am finally just getting to know on a one-on-one person-to-person basis. Prior to this point in time I only knew E from seeing her at parties and gatherings and from the various outpourings of questionable data that issue from the rumor mill that is part of any area with a limited amount of inhabitants. I am greatly enjoying getting to know E as she is someone who, as I had suspected from my initial vibe/soul-reading of her at the party of a mutual friend, has a significant degree of depth and intelligence. There is a joy I get when a persons inner self unfolds to me and I can attain a deeper level of sharing and communion beyond “a lot of weather we’ve been having lately...have you seen Hunger Games?” I hope to continue this process as I find this woman increasingly interesting as a fellow traveller.

We traded rumors about each other the other day. It was pretty funny. And sad.

E has some qualities that do not always serve her in good stead. For starters, she is shy. This can make her appear to be aloof. It can also make her appear to be not nearly as smart as I am finding out that she is. She also has the crippling issue of being pretty much in line with what our current culture considers to be the apex of feminine beauty: she is slim, has great symmetry, and has a very nicely structured face with a pair of eyes that are piercing, questioning and, paradoxically, serene. These eyes look right into your very being, seemingly. I love her eyes...not because they are cosmetically captivating (though they are), but because they are the windows of a soul that is trying to understand the world and the people around her...and unlike a lot of people, she looks directly at YOUR eyes when she talks to you. There is an honesty there that I find very refreshing.

She also, like myself, is single in a small town where almost everyone is pair-bonded. That is also a black mark as it makes her seem to people to be predatory. I get a fair amount of that I feel sorry for E. I think she is a “good” spirit finding her way in a world where people can be pretty dark and mean and nasty. If I can help her in that effort, I there have been those that have helped me and people who desire to live in a kind and loving world should help each other. That is MY feeling about it, at least.

I get a lot of other things too. Let’s tap into them, shall we? It’ll be fun!

Is John Ludi gay?

Nope. I certainly have no problem with it and being an artsy type from big cities, I have had MANY gay friends...and lesbian friends...and a couple transgendered ones, now that I think about it...but I am straight. I have close male friends that I hang out with a lot, but I am not sleeping with them. I’d know it if I was, and I would be perfectly happy to let the whole world know if that was the case. Gay is ok in MY book. G...A...Y...gooooooooo GAY!!!

Is John Ludi an Antisemitic Survivalist?

No. That is a sole-source rumor and that source will end up in court if he keeps it up. I am trying to start a business in this area and I don’t need someone trashing my reputation based on his own misguided envy and jealousy. This individual has insured that I have to work a LOT harder to let people know that I am a decent human being, and I will be more than happy to lawyer up if he does not cease and desist.

Firstly, I am not an antisemite. I have at least a few Jewish friends that will attest to that fact. My politics are basically Green/Treehugger with a couple VERY small forays into Libertarian territory. I own a gun. That is one of the few areas where the latter philosophy is indulged. My feelings about the Israel and Palestinian conflicts are highly nuanced and are NOT either/or...and I think that anyone who sees a 100% good and evil dichotomy in this arena is probably either uninformed or delusional.

Secondly...a Survivalist? Really? Sorry. No. I AM what people are calling a “Prepper”. I study global economics and politics and resource and environmental issues and I don’t like what I see...therefore, I prep. I forage and grow my own food and that’s about it. I don’t even OWN any cammo clothes...and I am certainly not of the bible-thumper ilk that thinks Jesus is coming back and we better arm ourselves to rid the world of liberals (or WHATEVER those crazy bastards have on their minds these days).

So not a Jew-hating cammo dude, then...what about an Undercover Narc.

OK kids...I don’t smoke pot. Sorry. I USED to smoke pot. Lots of it. Back in my teens. I stopped. Why did I stop? It started getting me all paranoid and weird and reactive. I THINK that the reason for this is that I may have smoked a joint laced with PCP at a party when I was 18. I got REALLY wound up after smoking it and was never able to enjoy it since. I tried it several times after and gave up on it. The substance seemed to be done with me.

So if we are at a party and you offer me a toke and I turn it down, it’s because it does unpleasant things to me...not because I either have anything against it or am employed by the BATF or FBI or whatever. It’s because I don’t care too much for what I turn into when I’m I don’t get stoned. If YOU want to get stoned, go for it...I personally think pot should be 100% legalized in all forms: it’s a harmless naturally-occuring substance...and a lot of fun, if memory serves. I WISH I could still enjoy was VERY helpful to me in my youth. I some sort of Casanova or something?


(edited to remove two paragraphs to respect the privacy of a local ex-girlfriend.)

I don’t do casual sex as a rule. I HAVE done it in the past, when my hormones were still able to trump my sense of consequence...but I am 47 years old and able to keep a lid on the beast, for the most part...passionate though I am when the time is right.

Here’s the thing though: I am a VERY affectionate person...especially since I moved up here. My heart chakra has opened up considerably since July. I touch people a lot. I hug. Kiss too. Hold hands. Give massages. Etc, etc. Sometimes I sleep on their couches . God god...the depravity of it all.

I also am one of those apparently rare males who is fully capable of having female friends that I have no intention of boinking. Really. It’s true. I flirt a lot, I engage in a lot of the aforementioned physical contact...but I am no longer “easy”. I stop before the sex...though admittedly, sometimes that CAN be a challenge. ;) I’m only human, after all...the physical part of me, at any rate.

When you are looking for someone to potentially spend the rest of your life with in a loving and lasting communion of souls who are growing towards true intimacy on all possible levels, you need to be careful about who you sleep with if, like me, you have the tendency to form emotional bonds via physicality.

In the past I have had one-night-stands last three tragically dysfunctional years. I try not to do this anymore. It was not healthy. If I WANT mere sex, I can get it. THAT is easy. Been there, done that...done WITH it.

I am not looking for someone to fill a position like a restaurant hiring a hostess...I am opening myself up to someone who wants to grow and evolve and plumb the depths of the soul and scale the heights of potential transcendence together. If Universe thinks that this is a good idea, that person will make them selves present in my life...if not, I will finish the journey alone. One way or the other, I WILL finish THIS little journey. I’m more than half-way through it, hopefully.

So when you see me arm-in-arm with someone, you can pretty much assume that they are not getting much more than that from me. If you see me leave a club with someone, it’s a pretty safe bet that I will still end up going home alone. I may be kind of childlike/childish in some ways, but one of those ways is NOT about the usual bragging rights that immature males spew out when we are in our private all-male enclaves. I’m not proud of having been in my 20‘s and 30‘s. It does NOT give me any shame or was what it was...but it’s not something I’m exactly boastful about either. Too many women and too many jobs during those decades. Not a pattern I want to sustain.

Also, when I pair-bond I am 100% monogamous. Period. No multiple partners, triangles, divided loyalties, nothing...of...the...sort.

Which leads to another question:

Will John Ludi steal your girlfriend?

No. Again, sole source...and I’m leaving THAT one alone for now...out of respect for a certain someone’s privacy. It is based upon pure delusion, in MY opinion.

So what IS John Ludi’s big agenda anyway? He HAS to have one, dosen’t he?

It’s pretty simple, really:

I want to do as much “good” as I can...share as much wisdom as I am capable as many people as I am able...make some more decent people laugh (because life is hard and we need to laugh more, dammit)...find a means of making money that does not morally compromise me or feed the beast...perhaps find someone of like mind and soul to share the journey with...and then die before I become so old that I become a horrible burden to anyone.

And THAT’S all if the economy doesn’t collapse and I’m faced with trying to help people survive using all the survival skills I have developed in case of just such an event. I don’t find life on the physical plane to be such a giggle that living through a collapse is something that sounds all that fun to me...but I’ll help OTHER people do it, if that’s THEIR thing. I’d rather go home to the loving white light, myself.

So that’s it folks...that’s John Ludi’s big dark “secret agenda”. Boo!!! Be afraid!!! I’m a terrible person and I will drag your soul to hell!

And I didn’t even MENTION the serial cannibalism.

Sigh... if you want to look askance at me, you can now do it for the man I am...not the man the rumors insinuate I am.




  1. thing about the small town Rumor Mill is it's kinda flighty...wait a day or so, and someone will do some stupidity, and the Mill will churn on...(I have been a Cult Leader(?), among many other things, since i moved to this Far Place.)

  2. Thanks for sharing this personal account, John. You seem as normal when you write as you did when we met a couple years ago.

    I grew up in a town with a few hundred people, and now I live in an unincorporated rural area where I have little daily contact with other humans. In the town of my youth and also this human community, most people -- except me -- seem to know what "normal" is. Then and now, I'm not it. Clearly, I should have met Mary Jane before I hit passed the age of 50.

    Best of luck to you as you navigate the perilous waters of new guy in a small town. I hope I have the pleasure of meeting you again. In the physical plane, not on the other side of the bright light :)

  3. @amfortas:

    I'm always amazed by the stuff people have come up about me over the years...when I'm really a pretty boring guy with a pretty sober lifestyle. Maybe I should start organizing some orgies or something, just to catch up with all the taint from the weird crap people have projected upon me over the years.

    It seems like when you aren't an obviously lost soul falling all over town that people have to FIND things that are wrong with you...whether they are there or not.

    Here...a couple scraps for everyone: I hyper-analyze and I am a worrier...some generalized anxiety stuff too...and I can be impatient...I'd like the world to move as fast as I do, and it doesn't. There is probably a pill for all of the above, but I refuse to take it. So there!


    Thanks Guy! I do hope we can break bread and share oxygen at least once more before it all goes "tumbly".

  4. I watch...I read...and I wonder...where do you poop?
    Not on special occasions or anything but everyday.
    You got an outhouse there?
    I must know or will be forced to start a rumor about where John Ludi poops. Hint: said rumor would suggest German ancestry.

  5. Anonymous,

    You sir (or lady) need a hobby...stat!

    Besides that issue though, I use a composting toilet setup.