There are aspects of myself that, while
not exactly a state secret, are things that I don't share all that
often, as the sharing of them would create impressions and
expectations that I really don't want to have attached to myself. So
when I say that I am psychic I want it to be understood that, like
most psychics, I'm not all that good at it.
I know things. I feel things. I meet
someone and have flashes of intuition that are later corroborated
when I make gentle inquiries about the individual. I have always done
this, it's been a part of my life since I was a child. The trouble
with it is that it comes unbidden and I have little control over it.
So I have never had any aspirations about starting Ludi's Psychic
Hotline and I can't tell you the winning lottery numbers or whether
or not you're going to end up roasting in a fiery plane crash when
you take your next holiday in Greece.
Along with my annoying ability to turn off street lights randomly when I'm depressed or pissed off, I have the ability to peer into people souls...sometimes. I can also get impressions of places and the residual moods attached to them...sometimes. I frequently can tell when I've irked someone and when they are doing their best to hide it...it's like a little black shadow that skitters over their face while they try to remain composed. Every so often I've asked the person if the last thing I said bothered them and invariably they answer in the affirmative. I've scored high in various tests...especially when I was young.
Crowds are difficult for me: I get dizzy by all the impressions and emotions being tossed about. They drain me...so I avoid them. It has made being a rock musician a challenging affair, and it's one of the reasons I have opted for recording over live work. Plus I hate games and politics. There is that too.
Along with my annoying ability to turn off street lights randomly when I'm depressed or pissed off, I have the ability to peer into people souls...sometimes. I can also get impressions of places and the residual moods attached to them...sometimes. I frequently can tell when I've irked someone and when they are doing their best to hide it...it's like a little black shadow that skitters over their face while they try to remain composed. Every so often I've asked the person if the last thing I said bothered them and invariably they answer in the affirmative. I've scored high in various tests...especially when I was young.
Crowds are difficult for me: I get dizzy by all the impressions and emotions being tossed about. They drain me...so I avoid them. It has made being a rock musician a challenging affair, and it's one of the reasons I have opted for recording over live work. Plus I hate games and politics. There is that too.
When I was younger I was kind of an
open psychic wound and impressions would come to me fairly often and
hit me over the head and leave me feeling battered...so I gradually
closed myself off and put up walls that, due to other aspects of my
makeup, were generally only partially effective. But it was
something. It helped. Still does.
So having shut myself off as I have
it's pretty rare for something to really beat me up anymore, which is
why I was so stunned when I recently visited one of my best friends
in Minneapolis to see a concert and hang out in general for a couple
days.
My friend mentioned that we would be driving past a place called The Encampment...which is an area that the city (being more compassionate than most American cities) has allowed a large assemblage of homeless to live in kind of a tent city. He made mention of this and I thought “well...that sounds like a sad place” and thought nothing more of it.
As we approached the place on my right, I started feeling the old churning in the pit of my stomach. I figured it would end there. It didn't. I was hit with a wave of misery of such overwhelming strength that I had difficulty breathing. I teared up and it felt like my insides were being pulled out of me. I have not felt such a depth of despair since when I learned that my father in law had died unexpectedly. It was indescribable. It was the soul's equivalent of a heart attack and I'm not exactly sure what it meant.
My friend mentioned that we would be driving past a place called The Encampment...which is an area that the city (being more compassionate than most American cities) has allowed a large assemblage of homeless to live in kind of a tent city. He made mention of this and I thought “well...that sounds like a sad place” and thought nothing more of it.
As we approached the place on my right, I started feeling the old churning in the pit of my stomach. I figured it would end there. It didn't. I was hit with a wave of misery of such overwhelming strength that I had difficulty breathing. I teared up and it felt like my insides were being pulled out of me. I have not felt such a depth of despair since when I learned that my father in law had died unexpectedly. It was indescribable. It was the soul's equivalent of a heart attack and I'm not exactly sure what it meant.
My friend told me that they have been
trying to find housing for these poor people before it gets too cold.
I really hope they do. This is a terrible situation for them and
I'm unclear as to whether my impressions were due to the ongoing
tragedy of being forced to live this way by an economic system run by
the calloused and inhumane, or if it was a psychic harbinger of some
massive tragedy to come. In either case, I felt that it was worth
mentioning this event as I feel that it must mean SOMETHING. There
has to be SOME reason why my semi-dormant psychic intuition chose
THIS tragedy over all the others increasingly besetting our
troubled species and planet.
So I'm putting this out there in hopes that Universe has a purpose for it, as I'm utterly without a clue at this juncture. I've not felt so gutted in years and I hope the city can find help for these folks before it gets deadly cold...and that's only a matter of weeks. If I could guess the lottery numbers I'd house them myself. I'd do a lot of things like that if I had that ability, I suppose.
So I'm putting this out there in hopes that Universe has a purpose for it, as I'm utterly without a clue at this juncture. I've not felt so gutted in years and I hope the city can find help for these folks before it gets deadly cold...and that's only a matter of weeks. If I could guess the lottery numbers I'd house them myself. I'd do a lot of things like that if I had that ability, I suppose.
Very heartfelt, John. At some point I wouldn't mind sitting down with you to compare notes on life if you ever had an interest in doing that. Those of us who sometimes see through (or past?) the layers of life struggle to keep things in order. For me, it's my feelings. Thank you for sharing a bit of our soul with us. Brad Otto-Gays Mills
ReplyDeleteHi John, Just had to say I know exactly what you mean. I've
ReplyDeletereading your blog for awhile, just thinking you were one of the few "good souls' out there. I don't know how I knew this I just knew. I have the same instincts about situations and people. I can feel other peoples suffering/happiness etc.
I'm not going to go on about it. You explained it very well.
It can be very painful at times because it seems other folks should be able to see what I see and be more compassionate etc. but they don't. I've been trying to learn Stoicism to make things a little easier on myself. Thanks for your interesting insights.
Hello John. I have been diving a bit into the past and hankered to check up on a few individuals. So of course I googled LATOC and came across Bill Hick's now abandoned site. This led me to Wit's End, still lively, Conflicted Doomer, who may be deceased,and you. I was hoping to come across the fellow who had 'holler' in his title and posted about his gardens somewhere. He often worked as a waiter and had just had a daughter and built a cabin last I knew. I can't remember his name or handle, but if you can suss who I am speaking of and havve a link I would be grateful. I was graveday on latoc.
ReplyDeleteI resonated strongly with your gut feelings about the 'encampment' as we have many on the entire west coast also. There's a reckoning coming but how it happens is up for conjecture.
Good to see you still kicking. As luck and fancy would have it I own some bare land that came with, of all things, a yurt, lol.